Part 134

Monday

February 27^th 2012

The plane was late as usual, it landed well after 9.

She woke with a start, collected her ipod, pad and phone… she was groggy, she wore a mustard kurta, and a green kalamkari salwar… the kurta had an almost plunging neckline, the dupatta was the softest of silk, chiffon in green with block printed peacocks all over…. The bindi was in place… she did not wear any mangal sootra or sindor….

Her Dad was waiting outside…. He grabbed her overnite bag… “Are you staying?” he asked in Gujarati…

“No I have to go tonite”

“Why is the bag heavy?”

“I brought stuff for you and Bai” she said trying to sound cheery

“Dheeraj is a good boy just like” her Dad stopped in shock…

“Like Sooraj?” she asked aloud… staring up at her Aada’s face.

She texted Dadi… no one else… there was no one home…

“Bai is making oondhiyo for you”

“Yay” she said, with fake enthusiasm…

“Dheeraj said he will come to get you”

“I “ she stopped

She realized she was not allowed inside that house…

“I will meet him at the bus stop”

“Your Dadi called, she wants me to hire a cab”

“ No” she said firmly, seating herself behind her Dad on the scooter…

“Lets eat breakfast and talk about it”he said

“You should go to work Aada” she said shrilly, as he honked to avoid traffic.

“I will go with you beta”

There was a moment’s silence

“ Shan beta should have come with you” he said

He hasn’t seen my face ever since I told him I have to do this” she thought… upset, in despair….

“He is strong and authoritative” her Dad continued… weaving his way thru the maze…

“and uncaring” she said aloud…

Part 133

She didn’t see him after that…. The slamming of the door and the gulping SOR in rage… not at night, not during the day, not on Instant Msgr, not on Text… Ritu called her almost every hour, between Feb 24^th and Sunday the 26^th… Kritik spoke to her as well… but not her husband… she pretended to not care… Dadi hovered around her when she was at home…. Bai called her and told her to head to Niyojan Nagar and not go to the bus terminus

Her flight to AHD was at 6:40 AM, she booked first and told Sanjay later.. he wasn’t happy… two Mondays in a row, “is not good” he said…

She was not sure how much he knew of her past, so she just told him her signatures were needed “in person”.

He appeared to not believe….

Ram and Renuka had wanted to hang out over the weekend… Khanak declined and apologized lying about “Dadi need physical therapy for her twisted wrist”

She prayed they wouldn’t contact Shantanu…

“I met him at breakfast in the morning” Dadi told her on Sunday

Khanak ate quietly

“Sunil doesn’t know. He will be furious”

“At my going?” Khanak asked dispassionately

“No at Shaan’s acting like this” Dadi lied to help the young girl

Khanak shrugged as if she didn’t care…

“Ek aur doon pancake?”

“Nahi”

“Your fave maple syrup came last nite, the Duggals brought a pint for you”

Khanak didn’t smile

“I”

“Your mind is filled with words constantly, but they all erode when they reach your lips”

“My flight is at 6:40, mujhe 5 baje nikalna hoga”

“Raat ko kab aa rahi ho?” Dadi asked, as if all she cared about was when she will be back…

Khanak’s heart skipped a beat, Dadi’s possessivemess and caring must be genetic…Someone else she knew was similar

“12:11” likha hai

“I can come to the airport” Dadi said firmly…

“I will be fine” Khanak said resolute…

“Mansa kaise jaogi?”

“Bus hai, 11, 1, 4 baje”

“I will”(send a Hertz car?)

Khanak interrupted her Dadi saas

“Nahi Dadi..”

“We cant have you taking a bus”

“Aada will go” Khanak said softly

“Take a cab beta”

Khanak didn’t want to…

Bridging the gap between her past and present was impossible to do…

“My past exists” “Scaling it by a private jet, or shrouding it with rupee notes will not make it pretty” she said softly

“I am proud of your past”Dadi countered, vehemently (hiding her guilt at being caught by her grand daughter in law)

“Only you are” she said softly, biting her lower lip at revealing her despair about her missing mate.

Part 132

Feb 23^rd 2012

Part 132

Mangal Kunj

10:09 PM

Balcony….

“But… I have to” her voice trembled…

He stood there with an expressionless face….

“So you are TELLING me? And not ASKING me?”

“Shantanu” plea

His hands were tucked into his pocket, ice in his SOR sparkled and bobbed…

She was trapped between thorny rose bushes and her livid husband…

“Dad can dig up a contact in the Distt Registrar’ office…” dismissive

“I” “I don’t…” she stopped

“Since you have made up your mind”, he dumped the entire liquid in his mouth and walked away without giving her a second look

She stood there starting at the sea… she could hear traffic at a distance…. Some one on the 6^th floor was having a patio party, there was lights and sounds from it….

The air smelled moist, and like roses…

She did not cry, turned around, went into her sketch studio and spent an hour in it… sketching some boats she just saw… fishing boats, …

When she went down at 11 ish… Dadi was awake… from her face Dadi guessed

“You must eat now”

“No I am not hungry Dadi” she said firmly

“He had to go to the Site, some urgent call, he should have been a PROJECT DIRECTOR instead of a Design Director”

Khanak admired Dadi’s observation… it was all part of the Casa-Ajmera-Gujral puzzle…

She didn’t have energies to dwell on it now…

“Usko bolti hoon tere liye milk shake aur cookies bhejega”

“Nahi dadi she said

“Tera miya to lamb tikka aur chicken biryani khaakar gaya hai”

“Good to know” she said uninterested

“Beta”

“I have to tel Sanjay in the morning Dadi, who mujhe jaane nahi denge to?”

Dadi sat down…

“It doesn’t seem to be letting up does it? Cards are constantly stacked against you”

Dadi uttered loudly

Khanak’s lump in the throat slid to her eyes and dissolved…

“Shaan is pig headed, I hope for a time between the two of you where there will be complete understanding” she said softly

“Ya to Khushboo maanti hai ya Akshay, Khushboo to khair kabhi give in nahi karti, but Akshay loves her to much to fight constantly”

Khanak listened

“TUM DONO ka chakkar mujhe samajh nahi aaya”

She spoke rapidly in soft Punjabi….

“ Ziddi itne ho dono… subah yahi sochkar uthte ho ki aaj kis baat par yudh hoye”

Khanak lowered her eyes guiltily

“You are putting up a solid fight. I don’t think he expected this when he pursued you,,, you appeared docile and mild…. Bolti itna kam ho tum...”

“WILL OF STEEL” Dadi said aloud looking at her in shock

Part 131

Part 131

7:08 PM

Malabar Hill

She stared at the front door every time the bell rang, it was a neighbor or a guest… Madhavi and Khushboo entertained them… Dadi suspected something was wrong, she signaled her to go to her room, she told Madhavi “Mrs Sood jo pashmina scarves laayi I want her to see which ones she likes”

Khushboo:Dadi, how come you didn’t tell me?

Dadi:Well, I wanted my fave beti to call dibs first

Madhavi and Khushboo exchanged a look

K:You should go with Bhabhi

Khushboo: No I have Amogh’s play date in 10 mins after Mrs Batra leaves (uninterested)

Khanak walked with Dadi…

D:WHAT happened raje… why are you so upset (in chaste Punjabi)

Khanak smiled

D:Its about time you learned some

K thought  “I do know some but I don’t think YOU will approve of it” looking down at her toes

D:Tera miya kithe?

K:I don’t know….

D: Dono ko ek doosre ki fikar hai?

K: Mujhe hai

Dadi smiled fondly at the young girl’s defensiveness, it indicated that she wanted his attention, and his pursuit…

D: To pata kar na puttar?

K:Mmm…mmm (vehement)

D:Its good, if he is back he wont let you leave his room… I have you to myself now.

Khanak flushed… shyly “I”

D:Shhhhhh! (placing a finger on Khanak’s lips) That’s how it SHOULD be! (whispered)

K:”I”

D:He is a brat… I know (smug and happy)

They sat down, Dadi opened a suitcase filled with 100s of scarves, stoles and shawls……

Khanak sifted thru without paying any attention

Khanak:Dadi, Dheeraj ne call kiya, he wants me to go to Mansa.

Dadi looked worried “Dheeraj?”

K:Ummm… who….. he

Dadi quickly understood…. “Oh!” she squeezed her hand….

Khanak enveloped Dadi’s hand with hers…….

D: MANSA? (whispered)

K:Hmmm… around 50-60 kms from Ahmedabad…….

Dadi served some juice for her…….

Khanak looked pensive

D:Tu khaayegi nahi to who maan jaayega?

K:I am not hungry! (shrill)

Dadi was loving her being so adamant… and throwing a tantrum

D:Meri gall sun…

K:nahi (upset)

D: Sunil will get you a power of attorney just courier it

K:I cant… Ritu  investigated, usne Aada se baat ki, Kritik’s tax accountant and lawyer also opined that I have to be there in person (alarmed)

Dadi quietly ranted  in Punjabi“As if there weren’t enough things in your life, I don’t know what to say beta, I will need time”

Khanak looked at her confused…

D:I am not transalating that… your miya is right, you need Punajbi lessons

Khanak’s heart slammed against her chest…. It oddly did that every time….

K:Dadiiiii

D:You sound like a 10 year old! (laughing)

K:I WANT to be one…

D:Shaan to phir fakir ho jaayega…

K:Not funny!

Dadi hugged her…. Tight

Khanak let herself relax, and let her tears well up…

D:Tu to mera bahadur beta hai

K: He will kill me (still thinking of the man that made her heart stop beating)

D:Baat to shai hai… (smirking)

Khanak buried her face in Dadi’s shoulder… the scent of sandalwood and lavender filled her nose….

“Dadi you are not helping”

“Tujhe help karne waala ghar par hai nahi” “Sorry”

D:If you have to go… you have to go…

Khanak froze…. Detached herself immediately

Dadi looked serious…. “I can ask Sunil if he can pull some strings?”

Khanak “NOOOOOOO!” “Nahi” “Noooo”

Dadi stared at the young girl’s face…

Khanak sat down…. And felt the fur like soft pashmina fabric… “She wouldn’t let me enter the house Dadi after his passing” “They need the money” “I am I … I (I am unable to support them?)

D: Its not YOUR JOB! (furious) Stop!

Khanak: Dad…

D:I am sorry I will have to disagree! (firm)

D:You are a Gujral now… THIS is your life!

Dadi swept the room with her eyes… the incredible affluence the room reeked of…. From solid oak beds… to freshly painted gleaming walls… the huge wall mounted TV, the balcony overlooking the sea…. The REAL silver on the snack tray….

The gold Krishnaji… almost two feet tall sitting in his sandalwood pedestal….

Khanak’s belly churned….

Her heart raced…. “Gujral now” it sounded wonderful…. It sounded as possessive as someone she feared at the moment would say it…

K: I feel like I am betraying (she stopped before uttering the word Sooraj again)

D: That is the most bizarre thing Ive heard! (snapping)

D:He is no longer alive…. I understand your grief… but THIS is your life!

Khanak cried…. “I owe”

D:You owe your parents…. THAT’S it! (soft)

Dadi hugged her…

D:You are married to a strong egotistical, stubborn man… he works hard, he plays hard… he is aggressive and forceful in his outlook towards life… YOU chose him… he pursued you and YOU chose him

Khanak blushed embarrassed

D:You shouldn’t be ashamed of it… He wouldn’t have let go if you didn’t choose him… may be eventually (Dadi unable to admit it too much)

Khanak’s eyes reflected the sorrow of how it would have been if they hadn’t come together….

D: Do you want me to talk with Shaan?

K: Nahiiiii! (fearful)

D: He is pig headed (ashamed)

“And obsessively passionate” Khanak admitted to herself sheepishly… as Dadi looked on

Part 130

Part 130

Feb 23^rd 2012

Thursday

The way Dheeraj said his older brother’s name resonated in her mind “Sooraj Bhai”  she looked down at the window sill… refusing to say it even in her mind…. “He had said “Bhabhi”… “Bhabhiji” it sounded so different from how she was addressed now….

She wanted to see Ray and Ujju , she wanted to hear the twins say it….

Sooraj, Dheeraj… the tiny two room urban slum like dwelling his parents lived in….

Sooraj was their only hope for prosperity… not wealthy, but caring and kind….

It was “Khanak’s fault” according to most of his family….

“”Which vau lives separately from her family?”

“Why should you and Sooraj live alone?”

“Why cant you live with us?”

“You wanted him dead that’s why you moved to an area with horrible traffic”

Khanak’s tears flowed….

She wondered how Dheeraj got her number, her new post marriage number was not known to many…. Some of her “local friends” “Pai Uncle” and family….

“Aada must have given it to him”

She walked back to her desk in daze….

Sooraj had apparently cosigned on a piece of land in Mansa, over 60 Kms north of Ahmedabad…. Sooraj had bequeathed his share to her, it was a joint property bought between her ex-FIL’s 5 brothers and two sisters, now costing over Rs.15 lakhs… that needed to be sold, Dheeraj said… so they will get their “share”

A flood of guilt swept her…. Their only mode of sustenance was Sooraj, he was gone… and SHE had “moved on” marrying into a different culture, settling down with a “wealthy man”……….

Heat enveloped every pore… in shame… in remorse………..now they had to resort to selling land to get by………

She dialed Ujju’s number with trembling fingers…

“Bhabheeeee” the girl squealed… on first ring

“Hi love” she said somberly… smothering the “Bhabhiji” she heard moments ago…

“I miss you Bhabhee” Ujju said in her distinct accent…

“I do too” Khanak began to cry…

“Are you crying? Is everything OK?”

“Oh! Yes” she said clearing her throat… “Just missing you guys”

“Guess what? Mum says we will be there for Holi, I was supposed to keep this a secret and ambush you  one morning… but since you are so sad”

“Bhabhee are you OK”

“Yes sweetie” she said smiling….

Sanjay paused outside her cube”

“I will call you back swthrt” Khanak promised

“Cant wait to see you” Ujju declared “I am not letting Bhayya anywhere near you when I am visiting”

“Deal” she said softly, her thoughts jumping to the man….

“I have to go to sign something at Mansa Shantanu”

“I got a call from Dheeraj”

“My name is on a piece of land  that“ her brain froze the moment “Sooraj’”s name formed.

“Mujhe Ahmedabad jaana hai Monday ko”

“The registrar will not transfer the land to the buyer until all the selling parties sign..”

She lay back on her chair shut her eyes… and let her heart pound…. In fear and despair…………

She didn’t know if she was frightened by her own past or dreaded how her husband will deal with such an issue…she slowly sent herself over the edge….

Part 129

February 23^rd 2012

Thursday

4:09 PM

Her phone vibrated, every few minutes…. She didn’t look at it… she was buried in work… Sanjay was not very happy she returned to work on Monday around 3 PM, her flight from Delhi was delayed, she had sat on pins the whole time, checking her watch… unable to sleep (her fave thing) She sketched on napkins for a two minutes.. made a “half  face” and pretty much sulked…

Her husband mocked her saying “You wanted to stay longer, so you are getting what you want”

She had gotten up and walked away…

Her phone vibrated again…

She didn’t recognize the number

“Umm hello” she said hesitantly…

“Bhabhiji?” the voice on the other end asked… she almost dropped the phone… it sounded EXACTLY like someone she was married to…..

“Kaun?” she asked panicking

“Bhabhiji main Dheeraj” he said cheerfully

Color drained off her face, she wasn’t expecting her ex-BIL to call her… she quickly rushed to the lobby and sat down…

“Bhabhiji?” he called again

“Hmmm” is all she could manage hoarsely…

“Bhabhiji Namaste” he said in chaste Gujarati

The repeated use of “Bhabhiji” was bothering her… Dheeraj said it harmlessly… it reminded her of life and times she had tucked away in some unlit corner of her brain…the skinny toasty complexioned man that she once loved…. ONCE loved?

She stood up…

“Dheeraj? She asked

It was like saying ‘Sooraj”

“Bhabhiji” he began again…

“Kem chho?” she asked

“Maja ma” he said

Mama’s boy… the boy that wouldn’t talk to her after Sooraj passed away…

“Bhabhiji I need help” he said..

“”Job in Mumbai?” “Admission to some college?” “Money?” “Recommendation?”

What could it be?

She didn’t pay any attention to what he said… her mind was on a roll…

The young man talked and talked… unlike his brother…

Khanak pulled the phone away from her ear and stared out the window…

Went back to listening…

“Can you come co sign?” he was asking

“For what?” she asked expressionless

“I just told you” he said

“I am sorry I am at work” she said

“Are you in a job?” he asked

“Dadi said you married a Punjabi man” he said…

Khanak didn’t need to be reminded of the Punjabi man….his laughing eyes those sparkling teeth… the smooth jaw… the almost European like skin… came rushing to the forefront of her brain……..

From mind numbing shock to being sensitized in every pore, Khanak teetered…

“How is your mother?” she asked

“Can you come?” he questioned

“Bai theek chhe?” she asked again…

“In bed… sick” he said…

“Why?” she asked

“ Diabetes” he said in poor English and went on to tell how her failing kidneys had began to eat away at her... her open sores and almost ready to be amputated feet...........

“Bhabhiji so can you come? he asked, businesslike

“I wanted to Dheeraj” “I wanted to come by and look at EVERYTHING he owned or used” “I wanted to feel his 12^th std science books, his cricket bat, your Bai didn’t let me step in”

Her heart wailed accusingly…your Bai lost a child, I lost a husband AND was called a widow………. I would have lived a widow…………

“Bhabhiji Monday at 2 at the registrar’s office?” he said

“For WHAT?” she asked…again

“The land Sooraj Bhai cosigned with Aada and Mota Bhai(Her ex-FIL’s older brother)”

The name shook her